“It was much easier to explain the veil than to answer questions about the wounds.”

 Pawan Mishra

Domestic violence is so common in Indian society that it goes unnoticed most of the times. Some women are subjected to such violence due to never ending dowry demands, some are thrashed for giving birth to girl child while some gets beaten just because they are considered inferior by their partners. Now here is a question to all the readers out there-

How many of you have not helped a domestic violence victim?

Many people don’t reach out to women who are victims of domestic violence because if a husband beats his wife the matter is considered to be their family matter. No one wishes to intervene in “unke ghar ki baat” (their family matter). Women are taught to keep mum when they try to seek help from their own family. I have literally met people who says “shaddi ke baad ladki ka ghar uske pati ka ghar hota hai”(after marriage a woman’s dwelling is her husband’s place). Unfortunately, some women don’t even try to help themselves to get rid of their abusive husbands because they have seen their mothers go through the same thing. In fact some women don’t even consider it to be an issue.

A country which is personified as “Mother India” cannot protect it’s daughters. Inspite of all the development and technical enhancement India still has to be ashamed of the violence committed against women. We worship woman deities but we forget to respect our own woman at home. Our glorified historical holy texts and religious books teach us to respect women-

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“Yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra Devata”

Manusmriti (3.56)

Translation: Wherever women are given their due respect, even the deities like to reside there and where they are not respected, all actions remain unfruitful.

The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise


Sura 9 Ayat 71

“from the woman is our birth, in the woman’s womb are we shaped; To the woman we are engaged, to the woman we are wedded; The woman is our friend and from woman is the family; Through the woman are the bonds of the world; Why call woman evil who gives birth to kings and all? From the woman is the woman, without woman there is none”.

(SGGS, pp. 473), Guru Nanak Dev

Where do all our morals go when we choose not to help a victim of domestic violence ?

Sharing a story of a woman who doesn’t want to disclose her identity, the story in her own words-

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“The last train for the day had already left when I found out that the police officer at the local police station was a kin of my husband. It was a warm winter evening when my in-laws and my husband had went out for a marriage invitation and I was left alone with my daughter at home. I wanted to make the most out of this opportunity and lodge an FIR against my in-laws and husband who from the very next morning of my wedding day started jeering me for dowry which later turned into fitful thrashing. The circumstances turned lamentable after I gave birth to a girl child. I tried seeking help from my parents but they cited examples of divorced women who were unacceptable to the society. The most shocking remark made by my mother was that the pallbearers of a woman after her marriage are her in-laws not her parents (“beti ki arthi sasuraal se uth ti hai mayke se nahi”) . Since that day I stopped approaching my parents for help. I was not allowed to step out of home without anyone’s company. I was made to do all the work and was denied basic amenities.

The days were gloomy for me and my child. She never received affection from anyone in the family. I was not very much educated to understand the laws but I knew this much that my atrocities will end if I leave this place. I couldn’t lodge the complaint that day but decided never to return to that place.”

So, next time before restricting yourself from helping a victim of domestic violence remember that you are playing a part in repeating a similar story.

Raising hand on a woman reduces a man’s masculinity. We have to teach our sons to respect women. The rest will fall into place automatically. A contented smiling woman looks much prettier than a woman with fear in her eyes.

Also Read :https://desiobstinate.com/dowry-o-wry/

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9 Comments

Muskan Maheshwari · July 15, 2020 at 8:20 pm

I agree with all the points noted in the article.. Nd promise l ll never b the part of dowry system nd i ll aware my relatives too

    Dia · July 16, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    I will help any women who is facing dowry,or any other this type of problems whoever I see and never be the part of dowry system

Mike · July 18, 2020 at 8:54 am

I agree but we can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help herself.

Renjitha · July 22, 2020 at 11:36 am

As mentioned above in some situations even we try to help them or offer help they won’t allow is they think it as there destiny and surrender to it blaming there luck. But the only solution for this is showing them your strengths and make them understand that without there help we can stand and are able to take care of ourselves.

Param Bohra · July 22, 2020 at 11:24 pm

For women
Silence costs more than loudness. The time has come for loud actions and you cannot suffer costly silence at any cost.
For Men
There is nothing such called beggarman. Either you become beggar or you become Man. Choice in your hand !!

Aradhya · September 3, 2020 at 12:03 pm

I agree with all the points written here. I am always against the dowry..and I never ne a part of this system and I also encourage my family members, relatives, friends never be a part of this system.

Swati Jha · September 7, 2020 at 9:10 am

I strongly oppose the concept of dowry.. but in this society I have seen Guys parents saying ‘hume humare bete ko padhane k liye jo paise kharch hue hai bas utna dedo to chalega’ so for your kind information ‘Ladkiyo ki padhai me bhi same utne hi paise kharch hote hain’ lekin unhe to koi dowry nahi deta.. and I have came across many Cases like this so I am a person who strongly oppose The Stupid Concept Of Dowry

Priya · September 16, 2020 at 10:14 pm

Ya its a big issue for girls and their families. I also against it. But i hope so all men are also understand about it. Because in future they have also a daughter.

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